


It's Cliche for a Reason

by aliassmith



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 07:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliassmith/pseuds/aliassmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Danny pose as a couple in a gay club. That’s ORIGINAL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Cliche for a Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Клише не без причины](https://archiveofourown.org/works/450650) by [Electric_Barbarella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electric_Barbarella/pseuds/Electric_Barbarella)



There’d been an argument, of course there had. When was anything ever not an argument with Steve and Danny? Steve didn’t understand why he couldn’t just go in there alone, probably figured he could take on the whole damn club with his own bare hands if it came down to it. Like that was somehow preferable to playing happy couples with Danny for a couple of hours.

Danny just didn’t get why it had to be him. Like anyone was ever gonna buy him as Steve’s loving better-half. Actually he may have a point there.

But Chin is too much of a familiar face, and Kono is a woman, which under normal circumstances would be cause for some serious bruising of internal organs if they try to take her off a case for anything so archaic or patently sexist, but this particular case is a little more... specialized. They need someone to pose as a couple, a very gay, very male couple to be exact, so they can infiltrate the inner sanctum of one particular perp—in this case the inner sanctum being Graeme Grayson’s private VIP room (his seriously ridiculously well-secured VIP room) at the hottest of gay hotspots (Zanzibar—so hot right now). That means no wires, no comms, and an entirely one-sided monitoring system, which they managed to set up by tapping into the club’s own surveillance, giving them sight and sound, but no way of communicating without breaking out their cellphones. And given the absurdly loud beats Kono can hear pumping through Chin’s ear bud while he keeps tabs on the others, there is just no way phones are gonna cut it over that din.

Right now, the monitor screen shows Steve and Danny leaning against the railing above the strobing blue-on-blue of the dancefloor, side by side, eyes focused on the crowd below. Still, it doesn’t look like Danny’s letting the thump-thump-thump of the baseline in any way interrupt his ranting at Steve, which over the course of the night, has built up some serious steam.

“Look, I can see that it upset you, and I’m sorry for that, really, but I don’t think you realize--”

“No, I don’t think you realize! You know some people-- not untouchable action figure, Navy SEAL type people, naturally, but some people-- have what is called a “rental bond” or “security deposit”--”

“You know, the condescension comes through just fine without the air-quotes, thanks.”

“...Which is basically a sum of money laid down at the beginning of the rental agreement between a landlord and a tenant; a sum of money which said tenant only ever gets to see again on the proviso that said rental property remains in pristine condition--”

“Oh, come on! Like there was ever anything pristine about your little Unibomber shack--”

“Pristine and unspoiled. Now, I don’t have a dictionary on me, so I could be wrong, but I gotta say, I’m like, 98% sure that “big fucking baseball bat through wall” does not come under the definition of “pristine condition”.”

“Seriously, Danno, the air-quotes--”

Kono smirks and watches Chin rub his hands over his face for the third time in twenty minutes. They’d both had enough of the bickering an hour ago (which was about five minutes after it started), but Kono’s clearly better at hiding it. She takes pity on him, leaning over to snag the earpiece from his ear and gives him a look. It’s the “I’ll take over, you look like you could use the rest” look. Chin nods, throwing in a “if I have to listen to one more second of this, I will cut a bitch” eye-roll for good measure. It’s pretty much his default expression these days, whenever Steve and Danny are around. Kono just smiles back at him and fits the mic into her ear, picking up the tail end of the ‘conversation’ Chin’d been privy to for the better part of an hour.

“No. No Danno. Do not Danno me right now. I am so far beyond pissed with you, I can’t even... Ugh!”

“I said I was sorry! What do you want? You’d rather I let it sting you?”

“You mean would I rather be dealing with a bug bite right now instead of a pissed off landlord and the sports-equipment-shaped hole currently decorating my bedroom wall? Yes. Yes, I would very much prefer that, thank you for asking. Maybe next time you could try asking before swinging the fucking bat, you think?”

“It was a centipede, Danny. You have no idea how fast those things move.”

“Actually I do. I got a good look at exactly how fast they move when it dodged the bat and disappeared inside the fucking hole you made.”

“But at least it didn’t bite you.”

“Not yet it didn’t. But it’s inside the walls now. Not even you and your overgrown ape-arms can reach it. Which means it’ll stay there, lurking, waiting til my back is turned before crawling out and attacking me in my sleep.”

“So it’s a super-intelligent centipede now? You think it’s lying in wait with designs on your virtue?”

Kono is just starting to roll her eyes when she catches movement out of the left corner of the surveillance screen. She’s not the only one monitoring this conversation. Looks like Grayson’s sent out one of his lackeys to get the low-down on the new guys making themselves known around the club.

It’s Grayson’s trademark move, weeding the fresh meat out from among the crowds and inviting them back to his VIP lounge for a more... intimate acquaintance. It’s the safest way to gain any kind of access to Grayson, and exactly what they’ve been waiting for. She moves to alert Steve, let him know the mark’s finally showing an interest, but remembers the comms only go one way when her fingers reach for her walky and come up empty. Shit. The tail is moving in and there’s no way to warn Danny and Steve without breaking their cover. This is exactly why she’d been against this plan to begin with, there was too much left to chance, like flying blind. So basically, exactly the way Steve usually operates.

And right now Steve is more than a little blind to the guy hovering not two feet behind him, too busy listening to Danny’s scoffing reply for him to even register.

“Fuck you, stop anthropomorphising the bug life and just admit that you were wrong. You freaked out over a pissy little creepy-crawly and you overreacted.”

Steve smirks. “Anthropomorphising?”

“I’m not hearing a denial.”

“There’s nothing to deny! I did not freak out. I was saving you from getting stung.”

“By squealing like a little girl and taking a swing at my wall.”

“I’ll tell Kono you said that.”

“What? Said what?” She can practically hear Danny squinting angrily at Steve right now. “I said little girl--”

“I expected better from you, seriously. So sexist. Just... blatantly sexist.”

“I said little girl. I didn’t say ‘girl’. I didn’t say ‘girl’. Little girl. Little girls scream.”

“Is this about your ex? Do you just hate all women now?”

“You know what? Fuck you.” Danny sulks. And the harder Danny pouts, the harder Steve grins.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help, buddy. Talking through your issues can sometimes--”

“There are no issues. None.”

“Really? I could’ve sworn there were some issues.”

“No issues. Unless you count the bat through my wall. I’d say that was an issue.”

“I’d say your ability to hang on to minor little details is an issue.”

Kono’s poised over the monitor, radio at the ready, waiting for... for something. For Steve and Danny to finally get a clue and quit bickering. For the tail to get tipped off and pull his gun so she can call in the back up they’ve got positioned all over the place. She’s watching his face for a sign, any sign, but he doesn’t look angry or threatened or even scared. He looks... he looks convinced. He’s moving away again, heading back to Grayson with his report, no doubt. And the boys still. Haven’t. Noticed.

“It’s only minor when it’s not your deposit down the drain.”

“Is this about the money? ‘Cause I will pay you back the money.”

“No, it’s not about the money. It’s about you moving without thinking. Again.” Danny’s sigh sends a buzz of static through the earpiece. “You keep doing these things... Keep diving in without looking and swinging bats without pausing to consider whose wall you’re gonna break... taking off, unarmed, into rooms full of trigger-happy assholes without even... you don’t think, is what I’m saying.”

There’s a pause-- not a long pause, but definitely noticeable-- before Steve speaks. “Aw, honey. You care.”

Danny splutters. “What? That is so not even close to the point here.”

“Yeah it is. You want me to stop being impulsive because somewhere, deep down below that bitter exterior--” Steve breaks off for a second, and Kono figures Danny’s gotta be glaring hard enough to do himself some damage by now, but it’s not enough to shut Steve up. “Deep, deep down below, you’re actually starting to like me a little. Go on. Say it.”

“You’re deranged.”

“You love it.”

“Egomaniac.”

“I’m not hearing a denial.”

“Probably because you’re a psychotic narcissist.”

“That makes... no sense.”

“You owe me a new wall.”

“Oh come on, it’s not even that bad. I’ll patch it myself.”

“There’s a perfect bat-shaped chasm next to my bed. It’s like something out of a cartoon.”

“You’re like something out of a cartoon.”

“Your face is like something out of a cartoon.”

“Yeah, but a handsome cartoon.”

“What are you even--”

And apparently whatever their little spy had been spying earlier between the two was enough, because he’s on his way back, this time not bothering to hang back in the shadows.

Chin comes back from wherever he’d disappeared to after Kono freed him from the purgatory that was the non-stop Danny and Steve show.

“Anything?” he asks.

She nods. “Yeah. Grayson sent a man out. Looked like some basic recon.”

“And? Were they made?”

“Actually... no. I think we’re good.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Check it out.” Kono points to the monitor where the guy from before is returning, slipping a business card to Steve and beckoning both him and Danny over towards the VIP area.

“Seriously?” Chin says again, more than a little surprised.

“Yes. I guess he must have seen what he needed to see.”

Steve shoots a quick parting glance at the camera above him to the left, a last minute reassurance that his team’s still there, watching his back. He nods to Grayson’s man and slides a hand around Danny’s waist as they walk, guiding him through the crowd with a firm hand at the small of his back.

Kono waits for the biting remark, the whispered taunt from Danny that reminds Steve just how much he’s really not allowed to touch Danny like that. At all. Or ever.

For the first time all night, Danny says nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted as part of a comment!fic fest over at pineapple_infested on DW.


End file.
